I have been lost in a social media fog recently. Over the past few weeks, I started to notice that @Amalari (or Molly Murray) with whom I regularly interact was absent in my Twitter feed. Nor were her Blip Photo posts coming up in my RSS reader. I’ve been busy with being a Mom, getting a new business off the ground, and working with clients, but it was always in the back of my mind to go check on her. She was a prolific Tweeter. So today I made a point to go to her Twitter page. Her last tweet was 146 days ago:
From my memory I searched for the folks she regularly interacted with and then tweeted them. I was stopped in my tracks about the response I got from @expatina (Suzanne Munshower):
I was stunned to read that news. And I was ashamed that it took me almost five months to inquire as to her whereabouts. I’m ashamed because Molly was one of the first people I really interacted when I joined Twitter in 2008. We would talk almost everyday and have often quite a banter that would go on for days to the point where we’d actually forget what we were talking about in the first place. But recently with demands in “real life,” I haven’t been spending as much time on Twitter as I once did and our conversations were becoming less and less. Molly was a super gal. Yes, I used “gal” because that seems to fit. She love her adopted country Italy. Good food. All creatures big and small. Her big goofy dogs and her cheeky cats. Himself as she referred to her husband. Debating and politics. And she loved taking photographs. Molly was always kind and very encouraging to me. Molly and I never talked on the phone or met each other in real life, but yet there was a connection and openness. One could say we were modern day pen pals.
My shame quickly turned to disappointment at myself. Disappointment that I had lost my way on Twitter. That I had lost the “social” in social media. I remember when I first started on Twitter. I had no motives other than to explore and see what it was all about. I wasn’t in it for professional reasons nor personal for that matter. It was new and interesting. And I loved it. I loved the interaction and conversations. While there was a lot of great information being shared on a professional level, it was fun and unscripted. People were just people. Not brands or marketing channels. I miss the “old” Twitter where for the most part were people just talking instead of broadcasting. I used to as soon as I’d wake up grab my smart phone and check into Twitter to see @’s or DMs from folks, or the timeline to see what everyone was up to. I don’t do that anymore. I rarely now have the levels of conversations I had two years ago. That makes me sad and I actually miss it. I remember when every @ or DM was responded to personally. There were no scheduled Tweets or auto DMs. There were no lists and management systems for Twitter followers.
People are too busy getting followers, broadcasting this or that, trying to look really smart, cool, or insert any other word here, and looking to increase their Klout score. It is hard for me to say this, but I’m partially guilty of getting caught up in the Twitter “race.” Are we all lost in a social media fog? Are we forgetting the “social” in social media. My gut tells me so. Is the “old” Twitter gone and can it return? I don’t know. What do you think?
And to @amalari, good-bye Love, be it 146 days too late.
Ann Marie van den Hurk, APR, is an accredited public relations professional with over a decade experience bridging the gap between traditional public relations and emerging technologies. Need help reaching your business’s customers, call 302.563.992 to schedule an initial consultation, or contact Mind The Gap Public Relations.
I think this is a beautiful testament to a dear online friend.
I also think you’re being a little too hard on yourself.
“Back in the day” when Twitter was more of a village, we had a different experience. But it became more than a village, it became a booming metropolis.
Imagine a town of a few thousand growing to the size of New York – would you blame yourself for not knowing what was going on with everyone in New York?
I have experienced just what you did on Twitter. The loss of someone I used to converse with regularly, only noticed when I thought “wait, why haven’t I heard from —– in forever?” to find that an accident or illness has taken him or her from us and I was apparently not in the loop. At first, I went through the guilt. Then I realized that I have lost touch with many people offline over the years, only to find out from a mutual friend years after the fact that they had died. This will happen online as well.
It does not mean we are bad people, or that we are focusing on the wrong things, it means we are human. With very human limitations. When I die, I expect there will be those who don’t hear about it until much later who were once very integral parts of my day-to-day life. At some point, someone will tell them, and they will hopefully grieve my loss – but not feel badly about the part where our lives drew us apart.
((((hug))))
Lucretia,
Thank you so much for your kind words. Recently I’ve taken a lot of “me” out of socia media, but it is time for “me” to return and remember why I like social media in the first place.
Beautiful post. RIP Molly. I didn’t know Molly, but your tribute speaks volumes. May she be frolicking with smiles in peace.
I LOVE your post.
So very true. I joined Twitter because it was so new and interesting. And then, I began to meet some of the greatest people, of my life. We talked. We laughed. We shared. We even sometimes, met in person. I took a break from Twitter, for about 9 months, during a rough pregnancy. When I returned, the # was out, bit.ly was introduced. Lists emerged. Twitter-spehere changed. I too, started talking about my work, and connected less, personally. Thank you for this. It is so very true and I miss the old Twitter. So much so, that I went and unfollowed over 4,000 people, brands, platforms… and paired down to the people I began with, or who have become my modern ay pen pal over the last several years. I want Twitter to be what it was – so I am working hard, at re-connecting, and even trying to get out – and put the social back in social media for myself.
A very, good reminder. Don’t be hard on yourself. Life gets away from us. And this is the perfect reminder.
Thank you,
@AshleyKingsley:twitter
Ashley, thanks so much. It was a hard post while at the same time an easy one to write. I plan on reconnecting with people. And I’m glad we’ve now connect.
I agree with Lucretia’s comments, Ann Marie. You are juggling a lot in your own life, and it’s not always possible to stay up on the “real life” goings-on of the people in your life, and when you add to it all of the online friends that many of us have nowadays, it’s infinitely more difficult.
I’m sorry for your loss – and think you’ve written a beautiful post. Remember her well, and channel your thoughts and prayers towards her loved ones – they’ll feel that, for sure. And your friend wouldn’t want you to beat yourself up over this. I’m pretty sure of that. Big hug to you.
Shelly
Thank you Shelly. I appreciate it.
Ann Marie – first off, I am so very sorry for your loss. And, I can imagine finding out that way was traumatic. Just last week while researching my Klout post, I saw Trey listed as one of the top influencers; it felt like a ghost has crossed my computer. Social media has given us access to so many people across the world with whom we share much in common. When my offline friends ‘dismiss’ my social media friends I realize there is no way to explain to them that some of my bonds with people I have never met IRL are more real to me then people that I see on a daily basis. The challenge, of course, is how does one keep up with so many folks? It’s just not possible. And yes, real life moves on. And is important. Given what you’ve written about ‘your gal’ I bet she’s livening stuff up there in heaven – and – thanking you for a wonderful tribute. xo Anne